The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
