I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pants are for mortals
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
