You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
