U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
