I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my being single is dangerous.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
