True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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