:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Someone came in the potted fern
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
