she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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