Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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