just tell him i said nine months
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
