So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
