Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
