You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
