i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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