a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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