I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
