If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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