I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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