Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
