Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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