He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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