ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
