How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
