Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
