The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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