His pubic hair was longer than his dick
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
