her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
