we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
