So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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