just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
