No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
