I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
