OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
