whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
