No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
