when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
