We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
