the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do vagina's smell?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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