Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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