just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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