At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
