sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
