Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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