Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
