she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
