whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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