Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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