the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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