I faked an abortion last night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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