I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
